There's a reason I don't go to damn doctor's offices. They lie. They cheat. They are a reincarnation of pure bullshit. You made me a complete fucktard for the last few weeks like showing my ass to my girlfriend in a way I'm not comfortable with. First it was a phantom STD, now you slam me with the no kids policy. I know, I know I said I didn't want any brats running around, but when you're told you fucked up your life because of hard drugs and alcohol----oh well I guess that makes it okay. I don't like your stupid white lab coat, or your fucking plastic name tag. Tell me it's just all another big mistake.

At least last night I wasn't booting the dog outside and sleeping in an empty bed. I forgot how strange it is to have a bed to myself without someone hogging the covers.

[A slightly irked and frustrated Kankuro calls his friend after the internet argument with Momo.]

So...uh...yeah. Call back. I'm in that I want to punch things mood.

Fucking stupid fucking bastards.

Wasted my time going to the doctor again for a mix-up in testing results. The new physical last week, new drug test, and some idiot fucked up. So back again to the doctor because they think there is something else to look at. And after last time I really shouldn't even bother. Now some other lucky asshole has an STD, and I'm clean as I damn well should be.

( Private to Kankuro//Hackable )

//A note to Kankuro himself than anyone, but you're open to respond//


I've grown up more than to throw a hissy fit and get mad no matter how much I want throw a few punches to the wall or someone's face. I'm not gonna do that. I just need space.

Time to talk to the Chief about a promotion. Need to put my mind to something else. After the physical Monday.







Time And Time Again - Lovex

I've never been so miserable. I take it back, I have, but damn this weekend started off absolute hell.  Any of you that thought this could go pleasantly---please hit the rewind button. I was forced into the guest bedroom for all four nights. Not to mention the whiplash from Mr. Hinamori's warnings. I'm not good enough, I've taken too much from his daughter, and blast the man for practically calling her a slut.

....Let's not start to go into what that did to my mindset. I know I pushed too far in the beginning of this relationship those years ago, hell I probably pushed too far now. I always want what I want and I get it. But I think now it's time for me to give and I don't want to....

Maybe I'm just far too selfish. Or maybe my old man really screwed me over in the relationship department for me to get my feet off the ground. It makes me wonder how Shikamaru can be so understanding on Temari's front, and yet...I can't get the same treatment. I'm cocky, I have pride and there's a part of me that doesn't want to be released if I throw myself into something as permanant as marriage. I feel like I've already given up so much as it is now and I don't want to ruin things and change afterwards like my father did.

That yearly and rutine physical is coming up for the doctor's office. The last nurse practically raped my ass when she tried to grab it. It's bad enough having to go through some of those tests, I don't need to be hit on by an elephant in the process. Unless you're a tall blonde, then I really don't want to be taking the physical's in the first place. Do I always have to when it comes time for promotions? I'm working towards Detective, and I've been back in San Fran for a couple of years now. They have records don't they? Hahah.

I did get to play cop this weekend when some kid got lost at the zoo. If that put an impression on Momo's old man, then I missed it. I just felt like doing my job considering everything else was a bust. The kid actually didn't kick me in the nuts afterwards (it's happened before), he grinned with this look on his face that said he wanted to be me when he grew up. It was weird.

Another weekend being told how much of a loser I really am. I'm pretty sure Mr. Hinamori doesn't give a rats ass about me than he did five years ago when I was dating Momo. He doesn't care much for it now. I've taken her virginity, sabotaged the future son-in-law he wanted last year, and don't hold a doctorate degree. I didn't know that working towards Sergent in the police force was not a notable goal. Fucking A I actually have a goal, isn't that enough to show I'm not exactly the same guy I was five years ago? Even I don't recognize myself sometimes. I'm not a family man, and baby sitting my sister's kid doesn't count. I'm not going to put a ring on my finger, but I'm not exactly going anywhere right now. The girls don't want old men these days, apparently pushing 30 is a halfway point these days makes me decrepit. I've got the body of a twenty year old, and the mind of a teenager most days, that makes me old? If I had lousy intentions, I would have stayed with a stripper and not just upped my credit with a condo. Maybe there won't be bloodshed by the time I get back, but I doubt it.

I make a big grown up decision and now I think I was smoking somethin' pretty heavy. At least everything's not all boxed up in the hallway like it was a month ago when the land lady decided she really didn't like me. Tell me again why having a police officer down the hall is a bad thing? I wasn't even drunk that night. At least then she'd have had something to complain over other than the loud music. I wasn't even home half the nights there were complaints. I thought having sex with your girlfriend at her place was a pretty legitimate excuse. Either someone else was using the apartment while I was gone, or she was dying to throw me out. Forget the fact that I just felt it time to tell Momo I was movin' in with her.

Now I don't have to drive clear across the other side of town just to get dinner.